I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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