just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
