the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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