That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
