i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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