I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
