i was rollin on her like bob the builder
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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