oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
