Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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