I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
