I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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