i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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