i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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