Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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