hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
