why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it because I queefed?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
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my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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