how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize