TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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