I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
