just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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