hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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