Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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