she woke up with a sticky ear
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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