Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
