all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
