I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
