Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
