Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
