I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
