dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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