Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
