his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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