thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
