I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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