I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
