that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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