I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
