wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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