Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
