I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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