Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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