WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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