there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
