I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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