I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize