The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
