your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
