I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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