peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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