I think my vagina is haunted
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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