i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
