Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
