in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize