I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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