would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Randomize
