I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just forgot I was standing up.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
