omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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