This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
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