Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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