I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
