He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
