So drunk its hurt
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
