You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
