It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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