so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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