omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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