Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
