Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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