youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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