you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
