hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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