Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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