i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And then my night got REAL pukey
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
